Day -1: Where is the love?

(I tried finding a meme of an empowered older woman but alas I failed). 

I spent this morning feeling cold. It was grey and there was no sunlight.  I sometimes have big cultured city envy but when I think about the weather and the skyscrapers, I’m quite happy to be where I am. I sometimes wonder if I had stayed in the skyscraper city of my birth whether I would have adapted or simply gone mad and jumped off one.

I picked up a few black tops from a friend. As I drove back from her place I thought about how I’ve lived in outer-suburbia for so long that I have a concentration of friends out here. I read somewhere that if you know are in regular to semi-regular contact with 10 people within a 15 minute drive from you, your mental health outcomes are better. I know 10 people!  It felt really good to be able to drop in on a couple of friends this morning without having to commute to the city.

So other than having one of those, “Hey I’m okay with where I’m at” days because I felt the love.

[I had no idea who Ariana Grande was until the Manchester bombings. I really love her voice in this. Wow the Black Eyed Peas are also middle-aged].

In terms of playing.

I played a little just before I hopped on-line to sort out my bills, track husband and look at check-list of things I must do. I’ll have some time after school pick up or later this evening/early tomorrow. I’m more than a little nervous about this even though I made it through one rehearsal playing worse than I do today. It’s about judgement. But who is judging me? Not the person next to me. She doesn’t expect much and I probably make her feel that her job is more than secure (as opposed to the ones who are sitting next to unemployed professionals who’ve had to claim “amateur” status to have this opportunity. I learnt from Blair Tindall‘s book that it’s so competitive out there for classical musicians that community groups are their only option. I would imagine it’s harder for woodwind/brass players to find a job since there are only 2 of each in most orchestras).

I have accepted I’ve run out of time to play certain passages properly. I’ve got comfy clothes. I’m not going to kill myself in formal shoes so will just wear whatever black shoes I can find. I have a bad feeling that I may be in sandals. But who cares? I’m not a professional. This is a community event.

And just like that my blogging time is up. I may need to set myself time limits for thesis writing tonight.

The next time I write will be after the event! I can’t believe time has flown by.  More navel gazing on Sunday! Then it’s countdown to submission. Well in addition to all the other stuff…eg. being my child’s social secretary, chauffeur etc.. I should be able to put down the management skills I’ve picked up as a mother in a professional CV.







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