Day 0/ Day -70

It’s 2am.

Thank goodness I get to sleep in tomorrow.

I spent the last few hours putting together everything I have of my dissertation. I’m panicking. I really don’t know how I’m going to manage finishing this in the next 70 days. 50% is almost at final draft stage. The rest? Boy….I’m going to need a lot of time to focus and reference accurately. I’m with Socrates on this one. Writing makes you forget more.  I’m middle aged. I can’t stay up till all hours writing. I need sleep because I have to drive on 100kmph roads every morning. Well not tomorrow morning.

I made plans to go on a mini road trip to the country with a friend. I made 6 play dates for my son and I have to be at them. I guess I can ask a friend to take him one of those days and you know what, who cares about swimming. I should have suspended those damn lessons.

I did however just do what my supervisor said and sent her whatever it was that I had. I know what I have to do, but for some reason I just can’t seem to get started until the procrastination monkey starts screaming in pain.

The Panic Monster is dormant most of the time, but he suddenly wakes up when a deadline gets too close or when there’s danger of public embarrassment, a career disaster, or some other scary consequence.

But can good things come out of procrastination?

I think so. This whole rusty orchestra pursuit was born out of procrastination, as was my decision last term to take on an extra class, as was the Cousera intro course I took on Game Theory, as was several trips to a distant op shop, as was this morning’s brunch with a friend. Didn’t John Lennon say that “life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans?”

Who am I kidding. I need to just cauterise the thesis in 70 days. It’s not a PhD. I don’t need to come up with a new theory. I just need to show that I understand the theoretical framework I’m using and can reference.

“Those who can’t…..”

Must sleep.

I feel terrible submitting such a scrappy draft.  This is low stakes in that it’s not a matter of life and death, but high in terms of “EVERYTHING IS ON-LINE THESE DAYS!!!!” In the old days, you could write a mediocre thesis and it would not see the light of day.


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